It has been very truly said that 'any point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common sense would be pronounced reasonable and proper.' Many persons who are striving to learn the correct thing to do are strangely oblivious of the fact that the conventions of society have good reasons for their existence. These conventions are not arbitrary, tyrannical and meaningless rules, but represent a sensible code of manners as well as the refinement, culture and graces of life.
One of the important demands of the best social life is that young girls should be properly chaperoned. Parents consider their daughters very precious treasures to be protected from the appearance of being in a false position, or from being forward, and they guard them from the least touch of scandal or gossip. Young girls are brought up to know that many of the properties of life are for their own protection, and so thoroughly do they understand the restrictions that they themselves would feel decidedly uncomfortable if placed accidentally in any position which might give an erroneous impression as to their knowledge of the rules of good form.
Girls do not go about alone with young men to theatres or evening parties, neither do they appear alone with men at restaurants or other public places, nor do engaged couples travel about alone, nor do girls 'go on excursions' with men or allow them to pay their expenses.
Mothers cannot be too careful of their duties in the guardianship of their young daughters. This does not imply any doubt as to their trustworthiness, but the world is neither a lenient nor a kind judge; society demands that certain laws for conduct be observed, and if they are disregarded the parents must get the credit of being ignorant or sadly indifferent, or the daughters of being reckless, forward and rebellious. There are few things so precious and sacred as the reputation of a young girl.
A mother is the natural chaperon of a daughter. If she cannot accompany her always she can, at least, be sure that the daughter is under proper and dignified protection. Many annoying complications would be avoided if parents and young people in small towns realized the wisdom, the dignity and the need of following the established rules of the social code. In many parts of the West and South society may grant a girl the privilege of visiting places of public refreshment or amusement alone with a young man, or of accepting his escort to or from an evening party, but this is contrary to the code of good form in the best social life of Eastern cities.
Parents are strangely indifferent who permit their young daughters, who are mere school-girls, to indulge in flirtations which may seem harmless and yet which rob girls of much of the youthfulness and simplicity of heart so well worth keeping.
A girl cannot be too reserved about corresponding with men, exchanging photographs or rings. She will be liked best if she does not give presents to men and if she is not in haste to accept attentions, nor too lavish in her companionship. She must remember that she cannot accept gifts other than flowers, bonbons or books from a man who is not a relative or to whom she is not engaged to be married. When engaged, she may accept jewels from her fiance, but never may she accept any article of apparel.
It is not to a girl's credit or advantage to assume control at home in social matters or seem to push her parents in the background.
A girl who is the eldest daughter and has lost her mother may take the mother's place as far as possible in the household. When her younger sister's friends call it may not always be obligatory for her to receive them, if her sister is at home, but they should, when making a first call, inquire for her, and on that occasion she should see them. The father of the family is, under the circumstances, the proper person to decide the question as to what young men may call on his daughters.
Respect for parents and elders holds firmly among the nicest girls and in the best social life. Parents assume the right to issue invitations and receive guests.
A well-bred girl does not permit men to think they can make her acquaintance in any familiar way. If they wish to know her, they can ask a mutual friend to introduce them properly at the first opportunity.
If a man is introduced to a girl at the home of one of her friends it is to be supposed that he is not an undesirable acquaintance and there might be no objection to asking him to call, but it is best not to do so on the very first occasion of meeting him.
It is not proper for a girl to give her card to a man, even by way of reminding him of her address. If he really cares to call he will remember the address. It is better to have a few very nice men friends than a long list of acquaintances. Quality, not quantity, is what counts in friendship.
There is no harm for a girl to mention to a man when she is at home to friends generally; but it is not good form for her to suggest a time when he may.
Last Updated 9/30/99.